Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
