So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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