No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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