mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
where are my eyebrows?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
