i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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