Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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