I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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