did you get engaged???
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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