Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
