She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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