Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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