you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
