Please, let me fuck your mom
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
