On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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