I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
