It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
