$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
