I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And then he peed in my hair
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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