my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
