He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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