Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
