Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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