At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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