theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You made out with two different species that night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
