I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
