I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
