also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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