Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
