u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
There's even glitter on my cock...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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