A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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