who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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