ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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