drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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