She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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