You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
