I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
