There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
