so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The power of my boobs compel you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
