Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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