I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
