Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
