I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
