I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We were destined to go to rehab together
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize