Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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