I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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