I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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