he puts the penis in happiness.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
