It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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