yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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