Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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