He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
