you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
