Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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