Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
