Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
