i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
