He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just tell him i said nine months
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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