like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
