The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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