I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
