i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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