I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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