lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you never un-have a 4some
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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