We named our party play list daddy issues
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Come share oat with me in your robe
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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