Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
