I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
