I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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