Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm too high and old for this...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
