Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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