do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was like getting head from an anaconda
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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