Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
