she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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