I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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