Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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