Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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