I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
