Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
