Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
