i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
