Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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