I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
