I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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