is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize