also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
