dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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