I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
