I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
