Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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