Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You work out of a Hotel?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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