big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
