i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
