i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
