don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
